When will she come??

Do I seem a bit impatient? I guess I am, and in some ways I feel that it's okay. You see, I feel like I have been pregnant for almost a year. I know, I know. Most expectant mommies feel that way at the end right? The last month literally DRAGS by as you spend your days dealing with late pregnancy symptoms.

But it's true. I have been pregnant for almost a year. I found out last Feb. I was expecting a baby. I lost that baby on April 1st. It was only 4 weeks later that I got PG again with this baby. So, by my due date, Feb, 2nd, I will have been pregnant for 11 months out of the last 12. And that is why I feel I am justified in feeling just a tad bit impatient. (Of course I am not justified in feeling that way. I know that God's timing is best and I need to be patient for that timing. Besides that, I am extremely thankful I was giving another blessing so soon.)

And before this post can take on a negative feel, let me say that I am blessed. I have had many friends come to me in the past several months asking me to pray them through their miscarriages. Such heart ache! I will never understand the reason behind that loss of life. Why do some pregnancies end so young? And why do some end later on? I heard of one whose baby died when she was 36 weeks along! And yet I know that God is sovereign....He has a plan. He does not ask me to understand that. His thoughts are higher than mine, His ways higher than my ways. Who can understand His plan? I know that God used my miscarriage in many different ways. For months afterwards, I would tell mere acquaintances of how good God is and how His promises are real. How He is the ultimate Comforter and Healer. I felt God's arms around me, leading me through some pretty rough waters. Thank you Jesus! He was so gracious to me.

When I got pregnant so soon, I was terrified I would lose this child too. I had nightmares, really terrible nightmares. Whenever I used the bathroom, I would check for signs of miscarriage. Having a miscarriage changed who I was as a person, as a mother, and as a follower of Jesus Christ. It was tough, but God was there. And he protected this new little life. Praise God! When I heard the heart beat for the 1st time, I cried. Something I hadn't done with the other kids. I now had a better understanding how precious life was.

I love Him more each day because of how He held me through that time. Not to mention how He gave me Greg to support me, even though he could not understand my feelings. He had not felt the feelings I felt, he had not been the one to take the positive pregnancy test and endure morning sickness. Greg had not been the one to have emergency surgery and face the recovery physically and emotionally. But, he was there. He listened to me, held me, and showed me love and compassion. And I know he dealt with the loss in his own way.

And so, if it seems I am impatient...I am. I can't wait to hold this new little life and I'm sure I will cry when I finally meet her. I will never forget the one I lost, but I am eternally thankful for this little girl. I can't wait to introduce her to her family, to tell the world what her name is, and to count her fingers and toes. And once I meet her, all the contractions, the weight gain, the varicose veins, the heart burn.....ALL of it, will be worth it.

By the way, I am predicting a January 30th birthday for this baby girl. I would LOVE if it were tonight, but all my others came 2 or 3 days early, placing this one about the 30th. We'll see what God's plan is. I can't wait!