due

This morning I woke up around 4:30, which has become a normal thing for me. If I don't get myself to sleep right away, I usually can't get to sleep at all. I lay there this morning rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Today is something important, there is a significance to the day, but what is it? I lay in the darkness, my mind in a fog. What was special about today? My birthday? Should I be expecting presents? No, my birthday was a couple weeks ago....and then it hit me. I'm still pregnant. Praise the Lord!

Last night I had gone to bed begging God that I would not go into labor during the night. Kinda strange for being this far into pregnancy and especially since I've been begging God for a week that I WOULD go into labor. But there was a major snow storm outside. I'm sure you know the one, I'm sure you've heard the news, seen the weather maps. It covered 1/3 of our nation, promised to leave feet of snow in some areas, and bring with bitterly cold temps. I fell asleep listening to the howling wind, knowing it was blowing around all the fresh snow.

See, in Colorado where I grew up, drifting wasn't much of an issue. To be honest, I don't even remember a drift that was naturally made....my brothers and I would have to do the make it ourselves if we wanted a snow bank. The only place I remember drifts was up in the mountains, and even those were not as scary as the ones here in the Midwest. A foot of snow could equal 3-4 ft drifts! (Or bigger!) And usually those are found in your driveway or the middle of the roads. My minds eye could just picture these huge drifts covering our country roads all the way to the hospital.

I feel ashamed that I allowed myself to worry. I feel bad that I questioned the outcome. The whole time I knew God was in control, I knew He would take care of us. But at the same time, I was picturing myself delivering our 4th child in the car on the way because we had run off the road. I even wondered what I would say to the national morning news shows when they came to interview the poor woman who delivered in the blizzard of 2011. haha! Imaginations are great, huh?

I have never gotten this far into pregnancy. I've delivered all my other babies during the 39th week. I've never gotten to 40 weeks, never gone over-due. I am so thankful though that I am still pregnant today.

Another thing I need to confess is my attitude. It's pretty rotten. :( I am weary of answering the same question, "Is the baby here yet?" Everyone is really sweet about it, it's just my attitude! God is really teaching me some things, I just need to stop focusing on what's negative about this experience and focus on the positive. My poor mother has been putting up with me all week, and she's been pretty good about it. So, if you're reading this, Momma, I'm sorry. And thank you for all the ways you have helped and will help in the coming days.

So, I'm off to see the Dr. this afternoon. Hopefully he will say I am making some head-way. That all those contractions, although not real labor, really are helping me along. I cannot wait to meet my new little girl, to bring her home, to begin the adventure of having 4 children. And thank you God for bringing us through the night, through the storm. You are awesome and know exactly what we need! I love you, God.